I feel as though one day I’ll surely run out of bad things to say about people. Not yet, though.

1. Mostly all people are idiots. Note that I said mostly.

2. No one reads anymore. When I hand you a piece of paper and tell you to follow the directions, FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS ALREADY.

3. Don’t text while I’m talking to you. I used to think this was an understood common courtesy. Now I just think you’re idiots.

4. There’s some saying about failure to plan and emergencies and blah blah blah, but I think the bottom line of that is this: I didn’t wait until the last minute, you did. Case closed.

5. Get your kids under control, idiots. I don’t slobber on you, don’t let your kids slobber on me. It’s simple math, really. Also? Pens aren’t candy.

6. When I have a job to do, the chances of me wanting to hear your life story are oh, about slim to none. Keep it to yourself unless you like it when I roll my eyes at you. I don’t need to know how many siblings you have in rehab or that you had to take a year off because you got pregnant by accident and your car got stolen. Save it for Social Services, doll.

7. Freaking out because Democrats and Republicans just did a swap off is not interesting to anyone. Have you not lived in America for 45 years? Do you actually think it’s possible for something earth-shattering to happen before next week? Yes? You’re an idiot.

8. I love you all, really I do, but Facebook is not the place to tell me about your kids’ ass happenings. Poopy? Pee pee? Diapers? Potties? Shut the fuck up.

9. Your tattoos and piercings are not unique, I hate to break it to you. Everyone and their mother has a wrist one or a tramp stamp or an ankle thingy or an eyebrow ring or their ear cartilage mutilated. People don’t think you’re interesting. Sorry. I’ll tell you what IS interesting, though: your hair extensions. Those fascinate me.

10. If you are of sound mind and body, I’m not doing it for you, and I don’t care what “it” is. I’m not looking shit up on the computer for you, I’m not dropping this off or handing this to so and so, and I’m not just gonna call and see if he’s around today. NOPE. Find some other sucker.

Wow, y’all. I feel so much better now. Do idiots drive you crazy? Comment below. Seriously, feel free. And if I’ve offended you at all with this list, well…too fucking bad.