Category Archives: Random Shit

Songs for a Road Trip

Posted by Elizabeth in Good Stuff, Lamenting, Muse, Random Shit

I love nights that come together perfectly. Friends and food and wine that’s good but cheap. Last night we had a birthday party for our good friend and after supper, we sat outside with a few smokes, the last of the wine and nothing but stars. After a day of thunderstorms the sky suddenly cleared. The humidity had waned for a little while and we could look up and see planets and stars. The only thing missing was some good music and all 3 of us whipped out our phones to a) be cool and b) to get some tunes. Funny how that worked out, except it didn’t because everyone’s programs were “buffering” and then Pandora couldn’t get a connection and the antenna was too short on the real live plug-in radio we had.

Tonight I started listening to 8 Track (if you don’t have that app, download it immediately), and it reminded me of the days when we would make tapes FOR things. And give them Titles of Importance. My favorite tapes of all time are the ones other people made for me in high school, when we were digging music that was a little off the beaten path – this was way before “hipster” and “indie” entered our vocabulary.

I remember though, in college, sitting on the carpet in Josie’s room, smoking Camels and listening to her music, which was far less mainstream than what I listened to. Her bands were super sharp and edgy and I felt very cool listening to them. She made me a CD later on as a Christmas gift and did that for several years after for friends. I drank a lot of Bud Light in that room.

Lindsey and I loved fierce chick singers and we had this great ritual for every time we crossed the state line back into NC: light a Marlboro, honk the horn and turn on the Indigo Girls because we could harmonize. We harmonized the SHIT out of the whole Indians & Saints album, over and over.

Then when Tarrah cleaned on Sundays she would bust out the good tunes on the Top 40 station. She would bring her ironing into my room, where I was drinking cold beer in the afternoon and watching Lifetime movies. I did her ironing and then would head next door to rock out to the same shit everyone else was listening to. This was all until that night we ate Taco Bell drive through – for me the first time ever – and we sang Jo Dee Messina. Tarrah was then my country girl.

And Kristen used to play “Life in a Northern Town” on repeat in her room. Mostly it was to drown out the reminder of her crazy ass roommate and my CERTIFIABLE roommates. It totally worked. I hummed that song forever on my walks to and from the metro station.

Is there even that kind of shit anymore? Does anyone make CDs or MP3 lists or whatever FOR anyone anymore? Do they Title them with the Importance of the songs contained within?

I fucking doubt it.

Kids these days.

So, you know, it’s the usual.

Posted by Elizabeth in Anxiety, Daily, Random Shit

Update: I don’t think I embarrassed myself, but I did say the same thing over and over and over. I won’t know anything until mid-December so until then I’m just drinking heavily to celebrate the fact that the interview is D-O-N-E.

Okay, so it’s glaringly obvious I haven’t posted in here in a month or so. The lowdown: I have a job interview tomorrow, I’m trying to juggling my current job with my other job (my small business) and I’m bouncing balls all over the place. It’s also that season where there are parties and obligations that, though my shrink tells me differently, I absolutely cannot say no to. Also, BB and I have been sick – that icky sick where you don’t know what you have, you’re not gonna waste a $65 copay to find out, and if you could just sleep uninterrupted for 4 days, you’d be fine.

Incidentally, you all are fabulous. I have no specific reason for that, other than to give you a compliment so you’ll continue to read. Wish me good vibes for tomorrow at 10am, when I will surely put my foot in my mouth over and over, only answer half the interview questions and be laughed at after I leave the room. Yes, I’ve done this before.

TRUST ME.

Caution: Accent vlog. View at your own risk.

Posted by Elizabeth in Anxiety, Daily, Good Stuff, Lamenting, Random Shit, WTF?

This is the accent vlog that’s going around amongst those Blatherers that leave for Austin next weekend. I did it, I’m not especially proud of it since it’s my first foray into the world of the webcam and I’m doing this weird stage whisper thing because Brian’s asleep. And…full disclosure: I had already taken my Ambien before I started this which accounts for the slightly groggy, Valley Girl-esque vibe. Although upon further review, this is boring as ALL HELL. I feel so much sorrier for the students in my classes now. Plus, the video is super grainy and why? I’ll be damned if I know. I gotta say: watching yourself on camera is JUST SO DISTURBING.

The notes for what I’m talking about are below. Apparently I forgot the part where I’m supposed to talk about where I’m from and why I pronounce things the way I do. I’m from right outside of Raleigh, NC, have lived in North Carolina mostly all my life, and that accounts for everything that comes out of my mouth, I’m afraid.

Say the following words:
Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught
And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

Here goes. Maybe just laugh quietly to yourself, ok?

Inspiration Boards

Posted by Elizabeth in Addiction to, Good Stuff, Listing, Muse, Random Shit

These last few weeks have been a doozy and this is the first week calm enough for me to rationally form thoughts. Not complicated ones, mind you, but thoughts. I did not really ever write all the things I wanted to write about “The Help” and all my childhood memories with Lula. The Internet is flooded with those and I don’t have anything truly unique to report, so perhaps I’ll save that for some other time when all this is gone and forgotten. (Incidentally, that movie is fantastic. Highly recommend.)

So in place of that I’ve been spending a lot of time looking around my house and being generally disgusted with everything in it. It’s kind of like how you look at your closet every season (or every Monday morning) and it’s full of crap but you hate it all and have nothing to wear. JUST LIKE THAT. Except it’s my house and I don’t want to invite people over because the furniture’s torn all to hell and the walls have nicks in the paint and old nasty grout makes us look like we don’t clean our bathrooms. (Which we do, I PROMISE. Every mofo Sunday afternoon. With Pinesol.)

I am not the crafty sort; the craftiest thing I think I’ve ever done was this jewelry hanger thing I made out of a picture frame and some old fabric. Today I discovered Sweet Paul and this amazing idea for repurposed jewelry. A couple of weeks ago I took some old gold to a local jeweler and got 59 whole dollars for it! The rest of the crap is all broken but not hideous, and now I have something to do with it. These magnets will hold stuff on my inspiration board.

What goes on it? Well, who the hell knows, y’all. That’s the beauty. I’m not so hot at the decorating, but I can copy the shit out of stuff. So that’s my new plan: collect pictures and fabric swatches and whatever else I can clutter up a board with and then COPY IT. All over my house. So that eventually it will look like this:

via Traditional Home

And this:

via Architectural Digest

And, of course, this:

via CasaSugar

HAHAHA. These are my dreams, y’all. NOT REALITY.

What do your inspiration boards look like? Do you have them? What goes on them?

How about some tact? Would it kill you?

Posted by Elizabeth in Anxiety, Lamenting, Muse, Random Shit

Do you ever feel like you’re walking around with a “Kick Me” sign on your back, or perhaps  “Sensitive Idiot Here!” tattooed across your forehead? No? READ ELSEWHERE, then. You have no business being here.

Anyway, something about these last few weeks has prompted people in my life to raise my Sensitive Meter level sky fucking high. On most days I can laugh and joke about myself just as well as I can about other people, but on those other days I become a papier-mâché bubble that’s easy to crush.

I don’t really know how to thicken my skin up, or how to ignore people who wander around tactlessly yammering all day. I also don’t know how to politely tell someone they’re an ass, or at least do it without crying and looking like a fool.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be that person who can tell someone they’re an ass? I tried the other day when, as I was walking out to my car at lunch, my boss looked out the window and turned to our intern and said, “Look at her. I’ve seen parked cars move faster than her.” They both thought that was hilarious and told me so when I got back. I told them it wasn’t funny.

It would’ve been nice not to have gotten my feelings hurt yesterday on the phone, when my mother says to me, “Of course I’m still here; I’m just listening to you ramble on.” Lesson learned: stop calling my mother until I have something real and important to say.

I wish I didn’t want to go home and change clothes now, after my co-worker told me this morning that I looked cute in my dress, but “one of those shaper things would probably keep you from looking like you’re pregnant. Which isn’t bad! I would love it if you were pregnant!” (I’m not. And this dress is going straight in the burn pile.)

And my doctor surely meant well yesterday when she told me that she thought it was high time I started going back to therapy. I must have looked at her funny because she said, “Well, you’re fine of course, but talking to a qualified person might do you some good.” Sounds to me like my mother got to her, oui?

Maybe it’s the stressful start of the new school year that has everyone on edge. Maybe it’s the economy making everybody grumpy. Or maybe I just need to find some new people to hang out with. Either way, the moral of this story is to a) quit being sensitive if you’re like me and b) quit being a jerk if you’re like the other people.  OR, and this is my favorite option, change those signs on your back to a giant, 100-point Times New Roman FUCK YOU.