Category Archives: Politics

Things that should have warning labels but don’t

Posted by Elizabeth in Addiction to, Anxiety, Daily, Listing, Muse, Politics, The Almighty TV

1. Annual conferences for bloggers

2. In-laws

3. Lime tortilla chips

4. Home ownership

5. Waking up before 7:00 am

6. Children (but only other people’s, not yours)

7. Some reality television

8. Money

9. Sex (but only other people’s, not yours)

10. Amateur “photographers”

11. Restaurants that serve cheese in its hot, melted state

12. Graduate school

13. Marriage

14. Reading other people’s blogs

15. The “premium” TV channels

16. Courtney Love’s tweets

17. New friends

18. Sarah Palin

19. Massachusetts cops

“Listing” is inspired by ABDPBT:
listbutton

The Marilyn Monroe version

Posted by Elizabeth in Beach, Daily, Listing, Muse, Politics, The Almighty TV

What’s up, Internet? It’s been a crazy few days, so my List Monday is now a List Tuesday. Here’s my weekend + one day recap:

1. My recipe for white sangria is for sure fabulous, but it’s also for sure dangerous. You can’t taste the two bottles of wine in it, and this proves a challenge for later on in the night when you’re trying to speak intelligently to your dinner guests.

2. I love it when my friends stop by unannounced. But only some of my friends. Others of you should never drop by unannounced because a) my house will be too dirty for you, b) I won’t have the kind of wine you like and c) you will undoubtedly be offended by my bare feet, sweatpants and ponytail. It’s the way I roll.

3. When I tell you to be ready for me to pick you up for the beach at 9am, that does not mean WAKE UP AT NINE. It means TO BE READY ALREADY. And then, when I drive you all the way to the beach so that you can see the Atlantic Ocean before you go back home to Egypt, it’s probablynot a good idea to let me buy you lunch. Because that lunch costs $51. And that’s $51 I need for my tuition next week. And THEN, then when it rains and you can’t actually see the ocean, try to remember that it’s not my fault. I control a lot of things, but weather isn’t one of them. So now I’m down a tank of gas, an entire Sunday and $51 of fresh fish that went down your craw instead of mine.

4. It takes a certain amount of skill and talent to time a road trip juuuust right so that when you pull up into the baseball stadium, park your car, get your hot dog and are almost ready to get in your seat, the bottom falls out and it starts raining cats and dogs. This could be a problem for some people. For me it was a gift: a gift of a two-hour nap in the comfort of my own home after I “attended” the work baseball outing yesterday. Yeehaw.

5. If you are elected as a commissioner in this county, probably you should show up on time and act interested when 200 people from the local community college show up to protest your proposed budget cuts. Also, you should turn down the air and provide chairs for said community college people. There’s not enough room in the hallway for everyone to have a wall to lean on. However, the mob scene did make for great pictures in the local newspaper. And I can promise you one thing, Commissioners: if, after we stood in that hot hallway last night, shifting from foot to foot and straining to hear your stupid questions, you decide to cut our budget anyway, you’re getting crank calls in the middle of the night.

6. Dear Jillian The Bachelorette: If you can’t see that Wes is a snake in the grass, then you are too stupid to be on this show and you deserve a life of skeeve with Foot Fetish Guy. Love, Annoyed Viewer in NC. PS: If you ever need a snugglebunny with whom you can travel to Whistler and/or a glacier and/or snowmobiling and/or the Fontainbleau Lodge, feel free to call me and/or my husband. We are available separately or as a package deal. We don’t, however, put out on the first date. Sorry.

7. Dear Brenda Lee Johnson aka The Closer: My sincerest condolences on the loss of one of your viewers last night. To be honest, I got so caught up in the drama of Ed leaving Jillian for his job in Chicago because his boss was so mean and he would be letting down like 6 or 7 people as opposed to one person and Jillian crying and the Will You Marry Me proposals in the commercials that I completely forgot you were on. I pledge, from now on, to set some kind of alarm on Monday nights to remind me that it’s time to stop watching the trash and turn it to the treasure. Or something. Either way, I hope that your Neilson ratings are partly based on DVRs, because in that case, I’m your girl.

8. Apparently it doesn’t matter that everywhere I turn there are reminders that Father’s Day is this Sunday. No amount of emails, billboards, greeting cards or restaurant table ads can apparently make me remember to call my dad and check on him while my mom is out of town. I’m pretty sure that makes me a bad daughter, and I’m pretty sure I”ll be baking some kind of diabetic no-no to make up for it this weekend. Sorry, Dad.

9. When my husband comes home from work with a knot the size of a baseball lodged under his calf muscle, I can’t help but want to call 1-800-Pepsi-Sucks-Ass. Pallets shouldn’t fall on your employees, Pepsi. Get it together.

10. Finally, if and when it’s your birthday, there is a very small chance that I, for a fee, will be willing to sing you my Marilyn Monroe version of Happy Birthday. It’s a very good version; however, when you make me sing it louder and it attracts the attention of the couple sitting at the table next to us, I am no longer amenable to singing like Marilyn Monroe. In fact, I am no longer wishing you a happy birthday at all. NO MORE SINGING!

Budget shortfall

Posted by Elizabeth in Anxiety, Daily, Lamenting, Politics

Update: Just kidding. Apparently since I’m a federally-employed person, this stuff doesn’t apply to me. It does not, however, mean that I don’t totally feel awful for everyone else. It’s just that today, more so than usual, I LOVE MY JOB.

And the crisis has finally hit home: I found out this morning (first by news, and THEN by email from my employer) that my paycheck has been cut and at some point in time, I have to be furloughed. Is that a verb, really?

NC state employees were notified that we’ll be taking a 1/2%  cut in pay. In a show of solidarity, the governor was kind enough to include herself in that pay cut, though I can’t imagine it makes much difference to her.

In our house, the pay cut means that we’ll be short a couple of drycleaning bills. I imagine that compared to other parts of the country, this is peanuts, but no one likes to wake up to the news that they have to pay for someone else’s overspending.

Yesterday BB and I spent a good 5 hours poring over bills and contracts and loans and we somehow managed to lower our monthly bills by a couple hundred dollars. It’s a good thing we did; we both got tuition statements last week and even though we’re short on income, schools are long on tuition increases.

Yes, in the grand scheme of life, we are more than thankful to have jobs, and we are grateful that adjustments in our income don’t directly affect our living situation. But we know – firsthand, now – that waiting around for the economy to right itself is a precarious place to stand. Let’s hope this is as bad as it gets.

Forgive me while I draw cheesy parallels

Posted by Elizabeth in Daily, Good Stuff, Muse, Politics, WTF?

First of all, I am incredibly stoked about the snow outside right now, and not just because I have yet another day off work. No sirree, not me. But I’m also incredibly pissed that I left my USB at work, which means that the beautiful snow pics I took this morning will remain on my camera until such time as I can return to the office and retrieve it. DAMMIT.

Second of all, Jonathan Martin, I saw you on ABC this afternoon, standing next to Walter Mondale trying to get a quote about Teddy Kennedy. Shut UP, why couldn’t it have been ME? Just kidding. I’m not jealous of you. At all. But I am psyched that one of my college buddies got a first-class pass to the festivities today.

So now to the cheesy parallels. I’ve been so looking forward to today, because a) no one loves some pomp and circumstance like me and b) how could you NOT get excited about today? It’s snowing outside, I’m home in my jammies by the fire under a blanket, and I have 8+ hours of Charlie, Diane and George to watch. It’s a terrific day.

At one point this morning I opened the front door to take some pictures (as my friend Anna put it, when it snows once every 5 years, SOMEONE has to document it) and I just stood there, barefoot, freezing my ass off, looking at my front yard. I heard Cokie Roberts in the background, talking about Obama’s speech and how today would be so tough for Bush 43.

How appropriate that I’m looking out over this beautiful land, covered in snow, untouched by footprints or animal tracks, not marred by people or things. And I thought about how it is that way for our country today.

We are not yet marred by political missteps, or national tragedies. No one has trampled over the new Administration and stepped on its beautiful potential. As the President put it this morning, it is time to (and I’m paraphrasing here) “dust ourselves off” and get moving again.

Frankly, the only place I’m moving to is the kitchen for supper and my bed for a nap. But I’m excited for today, I’m excited that there are people in this country not nearly as lazy as I, and I’m crossing my fingers that no one steps in Obama’s snowy front yard for a long, long time.