At Ray LaMontagne Monday night in Cary

Right now:

1. There are about 42 half-written blog posts scattered on the desktops of three different computers.

2. I’m coming down off the high of having slept for almost EIGHT HOURS, Y’ALL.

3. One of my best and oldest friends has a brand spanking new baby girl and I am dying to get my hands on her.

4. There is the prospect of spending Thanksgiving (!) with one of my other oldest and best friends.

5. I am loving that I spent Monday night dancing and twirling with my brother.

6. Also loving that I spent all of last week and the beginning of this week celebrating my birthday.

7. (Which included wearing a crown and declaring it “birthday week.”)

8. There are piles and piles of paper on my desk, most of it written by students whose names I still do not know.

9. I need to make some tough choices for the fall, i.e. do I choose The Blathering, vacation with my husband, or a really quick trip to see the baby?

10. My wallet will not let me do anything I want to do; it will only make me do things I hate.

11. I am itching to go back to school but I can’t afford it and I don’t know what I would do once I got there.

12. I am relying on Coke Zero to be my everything.

Hello! I am Elizabeth’s friend Kathy. I have known Elizabeth since she began a career as a news media professional, a career she wisely ditched in favor of having a life and a reasonable amount of money. Congrats to Elizabeth for figuring this out only nine years before I did! My main problem with her these days is that I don’t see her nearly enough.

So, you know how Elizabeth comes here and opens up her heart and mind to us, so that we might feel less alone in our own struggles and learn to understand and accept each other as we are–as friends, and as brothers and sisters on this crazy spinning ball we call The Earth?

Well, I like outfits! It’s still pretty hot here in Raleigh all the time, and yet, all I can think about is Outfits in The Time of the Colored Leaves.

I am now going to tell you what to wear. Most of this stuff you can get at the mall. Get on email lists and stores will send you coupons.

My current biggest fear on the planet is what is going to happen to fashion when “Mad Men” grooves on into those disgusting Seventies, because I have been so happy for the styles of the Sixties Hitchcock blondes to return to the stores.

That means Dress like the Sixties for fall i.e. Kim Novak, Betty Draper, and fat Twiggy.  Because, come on, no one’s as skinny as real Twiggy. Some of us are downright Ziggy.

Nevertheless, I will wear an orange miniskirt this year and you will just have to shut it on up if you don’t like it. Yes, I’m telling everyone to find and wear an orange skirt. Or royal blue. Or red. Just make it a bold color, in a simple shape, with good structure. I got mine at Ann Taylor, but The Limited, Nordstrom and J. Crew are doing similar good things.

Now, an above-knee, solid-color skirt is no great risk. A-line, full, pencil or whatever are good too. If you’ve got the height to pull off that just-above-the-calf thing, go nuts.

Here’s where I’m going to challenge you. Are you sitting down? You are? Well then stand up, stand up (joke courtesy of Tom Scharpling.)

Wear that skirt with a top in a non-matching, solid, bold color. Put the orange skirt with a pink top! Your Kelly green pencil needs a royal blue sweater! Yellow skirt? Teal that!

It’s called color-blocking folks, and it’s gonna look adorable. Trust me! You can even do it in less-bold colors, such as gray and black, and it still counts as color-blocking. Just keep the shapes simple and avoid detail or adornment—that goes for accessories, too.

Okay, if that’s too loco for you, might I interest you in some animal prints of which I have previously not preferred? Sixties You (AKA your better self) practically requires it. Sweaters and shoes are a good entrée into this realm.

One lovely animal pattern can be found on my favorite item of the whole fall so far, J. Crew’s Tippi sweater, no doubt inspired by Hitchcock blonde Tippi Hedren. It’s perfect. The neckline hits your collarbone at just the right spot, the sleeves are my favorite length—bracelet—and it comes in an array of gorgeous colors and is a nice lightweight merino that’s not too warm but warm enough. It’s America’s greatest sweater.

J.Crew's Tippi Sweater in Leopard

Pantyhose! Look, I know only our mom’s friends wear pantyhose at the moment, but if you’re gonna go ladylike, they work. And, they hold you in place nicely under all those pencil skirts. You love tights, don’t you? It’s really not that big of a leap. Remember how polished and put-together it used to make you feel back when you put them on in the Nineties? It still works, trust me.

For further guidance, I recommend you visit the Lady Chic Shop on Neiman Marcus’ website. Please note that all the models are wearing black pantyhose.

You know how they say go big, or go home, and it’s really dorky? Well, I’m telling you to go big and then go OUT… on the town or something? Go with large jeweled stud earrings, track down a vintage brooch or two (I’m particularly obsessed with starbursts—for earrings, cocktail rings, and a mirror for my upstairs hallway) and a short string of pearls or beads in a single or double strand. Grab a frame bag, tie it with a simple scarf in maybe a deco-looking geometric pattern or a houndstooth.

So, now you’re dressed and you look good. Here’s where I leave you.

So in place of that I’ve been spending a lot of time looking around my house and being generally disgusted with everything in it. It’s kind of like how you look at your closet every season (or every Monday morning) and it’s full of crap but you hate it all and have nothing to wear. JUST LIKE THAT. Except it’s my house and I don’t want to invite people over because the furniture’s torn all to hell and the walls have nicks in the paint and old nasty grout makes us look like we don’t clean our bathrooms. (Which we do, I PROMISE. Every mofo Sunday afternoon. With Pinesol.)

I am not the crafty sort; the craftiest thing I think I’ve ever done was this jewelry hanger thing I made out of a picture frame and some old fabric. Today I discovered Sweet Paul and this amazing idea for repurposed jewelry. A couple of weeks ago I took some old gold to a local jeweler and got 59 whole dollars for it! The rest of the crap is all broken but not hideous, and now I have something to do with it. These magnets will hold stuff on my inspiration board.

What goes on it? Well, who the hell knows, y’all. That’s the beauty. I’m not so hot at the decorating, but I can copy the shit out of stuff. So that’s my new plan: collect pictures and fabric swatches and whatever else I can clutter up a board with and then COPY IT. All over my house. So that eventually it will look like this:

via Traditional Home

And this:

via Architectural Digest

And, of course, this:

via CasaSugar

HAHAHA. These are my dreams, y’all. NOT REALITY.

What do your inspiration boards look like? Do you have them? What goes on them?

Sure, we’ve changed a little over the last year. We lost a lovely kitten who moved to Colorado (she was a ghost writer for some secret authors, and we never found out who they were, so there’s still mystery there). We gained a dear sweet gal I know from work, and we have the enthusiastic readers along with the somewhat rebellious readers who argue month after month about the book we’ll read and who will read it. (Keep up, dolls; there’s one who doesn’t like our format and wants to read something different from everyone else each month and there are several who can’t stand ideas other than the traditional format of a traditional book club. I’m in the last camp.)

Anyway, this summer has been eventful for our No-Name book club, because – and get this because we are W-I-L-D and you could NEVER beat our wildness – we took a girls’ trip to the beach! And we drank drinks and we laid out in the sun under hats and lolled about in the water and wore pretty dresses to seafood dinners. And in August we are planning the ultimate book club field trip to the movies to see The Help. COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED IF WE TRIED!

Lolling about the pool as any good book club does

Looking apres-sun gorgeous as any book club does

(In honor of The Help, I’ve just this second decided to do some posts about growing up in the South with help. If I remember and honor my plans, I’ll do them this week and will try not to be condescending or sugary or stereotype-y.)

(This is turning out to be quite the parenthetical post, and I’d forgotten how much fun parentheses can be. I told you: I AM WILD!)

As best I can remember, here’s the rundown of what we’ve read over the last year or so. I would love to know if you’ve read any of these and/or what you thought and/or what your recommendations are for the coming months.

1. The Help by Kathryn Stockett This is the one that became the “book club sensation!” and has been made into a movie. Rightfully so, y’all, because it’s incredible. There are generally two reactions to it: “it tells the story of my life” or “it tells the story of a place I didn’t know existed.”
2. South of Broad by Pat Conroy Right up there with the most terrible, if not the worst. Disappointing, cheesy and all the things Pat Conroy shouldn’t be known for.
3. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows Charming and delightful, to sound like a little old lady book critic. It’s a feel-good book written in letters between characters. Highly recommend.
4. The Privileges by Jonathan Dee Most people hated it; I did not. The ending will surprise.
5. The Hangman’s Daughter by Oliver Pötzsch and Lee Chadeayne This was too gory for several of us, but I really enjoyed it. If you liked The Tudors, this will remind you of it in a weird, different way.
6. Bossypants by Tina Fey Really, this needs no statement except it deserves umpteen stars.
7. Emily and Einstein by Linda Francis Lee I didn’t finish it. On purpose.
8. Mystery: An Alex Delaware Novel by Jonathan Kellerman This is one in a loooong series of psychological thrillers, and I just wanted an official excuse to buy the book. I love all of these, but they’re not for everyone.
9. Room by Emma Donoghue Eerie. Very similar to the Jaycee Dugard story, prior to her book coming out. Heartwrenching.
10. The Outer Banks House by Diann Ducharme*

*We were supposed to read this prior to the beach trip but only one person did. We’ve postponed this one until next month because August, after all, is still summer.

Incidentally, these are all Kindle e-books because I received a Kindle about halfway through last year. It honestly changed my life as much as the Keurig did. FOR THE BETTER, obvs. Are you in a book club? What’s it like? Do dish!

The organizers sent out a questionnaire to find out a little more about the bloggers attending, and this is what I told them.

For the record, please state your name

Elizabeth

How do you feel about nicknames?

I have many. I only answer to one or two. You will never know what they are, sorry.

How old are you? More importantly, how old do you FEEL?

I’ll be 33 at The Blathering and most days I feel like I’m 30. I loved turning 30. Best day EVER.

Are you married or living with someone? Did you make any spawn with that person?

I’m married and don’t have children. “Yet,” according to my husband.

We’ll see.

Where do you live? Is it nice? Do you wish you could move?

I live in North Carolina, just outside Raleigh. Mostly it’s nice, but right now in the heat & humidity I wish I lived in Montana or Seattle or ANYWHERE cooler. Summer here lasts from March until November. And I really hate summer.

Do you have any hobbies? It’s okay to stretch the meaning of “hobbies” here, all I’m asking is how you spend your free time. Perhaps you knit sweaters for Ecuadorian orphans? Or maybe you just rent documentaries from Netflix? Or maybe, MAYBE you collect your toenails in a tin? It’s okay, YOU CAN TELL US.

TV is my hobby. I would be ashamed of that if I didn’t love it so much. I also have a side business in invitations and stationery, which I love.

You’re on a desert island by yourself. What three books do you bring?

A Judy Blume book. Doesn’t really matter which one, though I’m partial to As Long As We’re Together. For the other two, I’m thinking a Barefoot Contessa cookbook and some kind of survival guide about sailor’s knots.

What’s the movie you can watch over and over again, that you throw in the DVD player when you’re feeling a little bit down?

You’ve Got Mail. How can you not smile at Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks? When he’s on the treadmill watching her on TV, and when she’s in the back of her store punching the air, going “Fight to the death, fight fight fight!” LOVE IT.

Brownies? Pro or con? Fudgy or cakelike? Edges or middle pieces?

Pro-brownie, con-cakelike, pro-middle.

How do you feel about Taylor Swift?

She’s a trooper. I love her “screw the rest of y’all, I’m really AM a good girl” attitude.

What’s one goal you’d like to accomplish in your lifetime?:

I guess maybe children one day. Also, I’d like to get my Ph.D.

What is your most treasured possession?

My cats. Except they own me, and I’m assuming I’m their most treasured possession.

What celebrities do you really really dislike?

K$sha. Why does anyone need a dollar sign in their name, a) and b) who lets her out of the house looking like she does? Also, Jennifer Hudson because she’s everywhere and becoming obnoxious, and Natalie Portman for mostly the same reasons.

How long have you been blogging? Have you been to The Blathering before?

I’ve been blogging since 2007. Never been to The Blathering.

What’s the one thing you most want to do/see/eat in Austin?

I really want to take a driving tour (read: someone drive me) around Austin and I just really want a tequila IV drip. I’m also willing to try mostly anything y’all recommend.

What’s one secret-ish thing that your blog readers probably don’t know about you that you might as well tell us all right now because we’ll all find out right away anyway when we meet you in person?

My accent is pretty…well, it’s North Carolina. Also, I have abnormally large eyes that tend to get wider with every expression I make.

Other than the about to be assembled multitudes of awesomeness, what’s the one blog you never miss reading?

For the mean and fashionable, I read Tom & Lorenzo. They are hilarious, always right and the pictures of celebs in amazing clothes are stunning.

Is it okay if I post that picture of you riding a mechanical bull on my blog?

Well, sure. If you can get me on a mechanical bull, you should brag about it every way possible.

When you think of The Blathering, you feel: (so excited you might vomit//like you might pee your pants, like a live badger is chewing on your foot)?

I’m nervous, mostly because I won’t be able to memorize everyone before I go, and I’m afraid of someone expecting me to know who they are and being disappointed because I don’t. Also, mommybloggers and parents in general intimidate me since I have no frame of reference for all of that.

What’s the one blog post of yours that you’d want everyone to read before meeting you?

Anything from 2009. I was a lot funnier then.

I also made a sudden discovery tonight: I LIKE CAMPING. I’m not sure that roughing it can be defined in only one way, so I’m going to define it MY way: camping is, not sleeping in your own bed, it’s being able to see stars/moon/sun/streetlights from your bed, and it’s taking enough food into that sleeping area, wherever it may be, that you don’t rely on trail mix and melted snow if you get lost. BURGERS, lost people, PORK CHOPS. As some of us may recall from childhood, camping was a fort in the backyard. As adults, I say we bring back the Living Room Fort. We bring it back with pillows, blankets, those old refrigerator boxes, laundry baskets, step stools, THE WHOLE SHEBANG.

As if these weren’t already good enough ideas, I bombarded my mind with extra ideas it needs. (It always needs extra ideas.) My ideas are as follows:

1. Make a new friend everyday. Now admittedly, some of us don’t run into a lot of people throughout the day and that can make this task seem daunting. A new friend can be the Canada goose who poos on your sidewalk. Your new friend can be the multi-pierced fellow at the grocery store who wants to touch your produce. It doesn’t matter, y’all. You’re just looking to make ONE new friend. Pick an interesting one.
2. Be glad for one thing everyday. Today, I am glad that the people who live behind us in the weird house with the sketchy brown fence didn’t get hurt during what appeared to be, at the time, an electrical fire. Although, she’s a former art teacher, so BB and I concocted some fun, what-if stories that we’ll just share at a later date. (What if she was burning some kind of giant plastic bleach jug for an “art” project and then her family got home and was all “MOM! That’s bleach and FIRE!” And she’s all “No, kids. This is art.”)
3. Oh, my other idea. This one rocks so steady, I can’t even stand it. Here it is, are you ready?

That’s right, y’all. THROWBACK VINTAGE ’60s style MOTOR-FUCKING-LODGE! My SIL stayed for a night this weekend and absolutely fell in love with it. The little guy at the front desk flips open the book to see if there are rooms available. And if there are rooms, he will hand you a real key with a giant plastic number as he pencils in your reservation. WITH A PENCIL. And dogs are allowed and even encouraged. And I just can’t say with any certainty that it will be the finest place I ever stay in, BUT! I think we might try it Brady style. Load up the wagon, stock the kitchenette, bring our beach towels and get the sheets sandy. I mean, hello…it’s the ATLANTIS LODGE.

Bitches.

I’ve been avoiding the blog for a little while because there’s been so much going on I haven’t known where to start. Maybe I’ll start by making a list, as I do love a list better than just about anything.

1.       Brian got laid off.

2.       Brian was home for a really, really long time.

3.       I was the world’s greatest cheerleader, resume-writer and job coach. For free.

4.       I was the world’s greatest church-goer, two whole weeks in a row.

5.       Brian got hired!

6.       Brian’s first day at work was yesterday!

So week before last Brian was running around dropping his resume off anywhere that had an open door, and he decided to take one by his pre-Pepsi company just for the hell of it. Before he could get halfway home, the vice-president called him in for an interview! Can you believe it! Neither can I! Neither can he!

Last Wednesday he interviewed for a similar position as to what he did for Pepsi and they hired him ON THE SPOT. On the spot! For a job! And the sweetest deal of all is that this job is Monday through Friday. Not once in the 7 years we’ve been married has he had the same schedule as I have. We’ve been ships passing through the night, running into each other in the kitchen and occasionally one of us sees the other by sifting through laundry, searching for familiar clothes.

The last few weeks have been the best of our married lives. It’s no secret to our friends that we’ve gone through a bit of a…rough patch over the past few months. In fact, it was super rough. Like, SANDPAPER rough. And yet – YET! – he loses his job and we become blissfully happy. It’s like all the negativity of the world, all the things that beat us down over and over and over had magically disappeared. Brian’s face softened and he slept better. We laughed at stuff and marveled because we forgot what laughing sounds like.

And so this past weekend I surprised him with an overnight trip to the beach. It was amazing timing because North Carolina had its first 70-degree weather of the year and we honest-to-goodness took our beach chairs out on the sand. We snuggled in with books and short-sleeved shirts, and we walked for a little while with our toes in the water. (Which was frigid. We are obviously stupid.) We had a nice peaceful dinner, walked on the beach at night under a weird orangey moon and we slept in. We took naps and we laughed some more, because it kind of sounded good.

Now I realize all of this might come off as a little, I don’t know, cheesy maybe. And that’s true. But I’ve found myself in a new quandary, Internet, and here’s where I need your help.

For the last few years, Brian has been the primary housekeeper because he was home ALL THE TIME. He had like, a gajillion days off and so the cleaning fell on him. Now that we’re back on the same schedule, we have to rework our chore chart a little. I want there to be less clutter, obviously, but for right now I just feel like we need to spring clean for a fresh start.

I’m doing one room at the time, starting tonight with our bathroom. I’ll tackle the other stuff later. What are your best cleaning tips? What makes the whole job easier for you? I might just sweeten the comment pot with a little prize for the one cleaning tip that saves my life. YOU NEVER KNOW.

NBC

Like an afterschool special, I am here FOR YOU. A community service, if you will. A fount of good information to help you be your best you.  So today, I ask the question:

Did you know?

1.       That the reason aluminum is the main ingredient in deodorant is because that’s what keeps you from stinking? And that “all-natural, aluminum-free” deodorant is code for makes-you-stink?

2.       That giant glue traps designed to catch roaches can stick to a cat’s hind end?

3.       That a combination of scissors, Palmolive and Wesson oil can’t get that kind of glue off?

4.       That my vet will bathe a cat for only $20?

5.       That Facebook might be just the thing to get a man out of his dark, jobless depression?

6.       That while the rest of the country is buried in ice and snow, North Carolina has 70 degree weather with howling winds and eerie pink skies?

7.       That Doritos, Gatorade, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Quaker and everything in your pantry is a PepsiCo product?

8.       That trying to ban PepsiCo products is next to impossible?

9.       That Coke Zero is the best-tasting thing since Coke?

10.   That my world is upside down?

Well, window shopping. We ARE getting ready to be poor, after all.

I decided I was in the market for a new wallet, because who isn’t? I want something from Etsy and I want it to be small enough that I physically can’t cram a lot of crap into it. I’m trying to be of the mindset that smaller is better because smaller can’t be stuffed with 4,000 receipts or 20 tubes of lipgloss or my fat ass. These are the facts.

Here’s what I found:

1. Batwa Wallet in Flower Child

This does not at all fit my criteria but it’s insanely cute.

2. Handmade Classics Skinny Wallet in Cherry Blossom

No change purse, but it does check off the “tiny” box.

3. More Warped Little Wallet in Toto

I love this one – LOVE IT – but I’m waffling. Might be too precious to survive my bag.

4. Knotted Nest Billfold

Again, no change purse, but I love the geometric patterns and the slim style.

5. Marty May Whale Wallet in Blue and Cream

By far my favorite and the front runner. No change purse, no zipper, no frills but LOOK AT THE WHALE.

And isn’t that what it’s all about, after all? Of course it isn’t, but it’s fun to consider the possibility.

1. Red high heels. I just bought a similar suede pair from H&M and I am drooling over them until I have an occasion to show them off. Christmas is the perfect opportunity to exhibit your semi-wild side way down there on your feet.
2. Jo Malone Body Crème. So luscious I would almost be afraid to use it. Almost.
3. Land’s End Cotton Modal Nightgown. Now. There’s nothing about this nightgown that says “sexy” or “check me out, Tiger Woods” or “I am 22 and HOT,” but cotton modal is – to me – one of the softest, most comfortable fabrics around. For actual sleeping, you can’t beat this with a stick. Plus, hello? It’s $39.50.
4. Diane von Furstenburg Leather Kindle Case. J’adore my Kindle in every way. What I don’t have is a lovely case to protect it from all the wine glasses at my book club.
5. Haus Interior Navy Zig Zag Throw. Think of the naps you could take all wrapped up in this thing. Purr.
6. Marc Jacobs Lola Solid Perfume Ring. Y’all, this is the cutest thing ever. Perfume IN A RING. It’s so genius and it’s pretty. This won’t be in my stocking, but it should be.
7. Williams-Sonoma Croissants. Show me a girl who doesn’t love a croissant and I’ll show you a liar. Bake these, sit down with some coffee and that talk show with Leah Remini and never tell a soul.
8. Hotel Guanahani. I never said this list was realistic. It’s probably cold where you are, and where I am there’s snow on the ground, but in St. Bart’s there’s this.