All of this was yesterday. ALL OF IT.
BB: Hey, I’m washing the cars today. Going to get some Armor All.
Me: Uh, okay.
BB: I need you to come home right now because I accidentally set off the car alarm when I was cleaning the locks on the door handles and the alarm drained the battery and now my car is dead and the neighbors are looking and I had to disconnect the horn fuse and ALL I WAS TRYING TO DO WAS WASH THE CAR.
Me: Uh, okay.
BB: I don’t understand it. All I was trying to do was wash the car. That’s it. WASH THE CAR. But the alarm wouldn’t turn off and I tried to put the key in the ignition and it wouldn’t work and my keyless entry is broken and you have to come home right now.
Me: *Sigh.*
Charlie the Cat: I don’t know what’s wrong with you people, but you disturbed the neighbors and now their dog got out and I’m over here howling and no one is paying attention. You’re all a bunch of assholes.
Me: This is going to be a shitty day.
BB: I’m taking you to get lunch at the drive-thru because I have to drive your car to BFE to get Nissan to replace this dead battery and oh yeah, they should probably replace and reset my keyless entry that hasn’t worked in 5 years.
Me: Could this day get any more annoying?
Me: Never ask that question.
BB: I’m back and now the battery doesn’t work because it’s the wrong kind because those people are stupid and don’t know what a NISSAN IS!
Me: …
BB: I’m taking it back. To BFE. Find a ride home from work.
Customer: I’ll be there at 5:30 when you get home from work!
Dad: What’s wrong now? Why are you calling me?
BB: I can’t help it that the alarm is going off again! I can’t! I hate this fucking car!
Me: …
Customer: Is your car alarm going off? Should you check on that?
BB: Screw it. I don’t need a car. I’ll take you to work and you can get your mom to drive you around forever and ever.
Me: I really have nothing to say.
Me: Oooh, except yes I do. Here on the Internet it says to lock and unlock the car door three times and that should reset…well, everything.
BB: Huh. Would you look at that.
Me: I guess now is not the time to tell you that you can get those keyless entry batteries at Wal-Mart. And also, they sell car batteries there.
BB: This is the worst day ever.
Lucy the Cat: I agree. You’re all assholes.
