Monthly Archives: June 2010

The befores and the afters

Posted by Elizabeth in Addiction to, Family, Good Stuff, Muse, Shopping, The Almighty TV, Totally normal

Happy Wednesday which is actually my Friday because I’m off tomorrow through Monday so really it’s kind of like a Sunday night for vacation week! Hope you all have fun and fabulous and sunshiney plans for the 4th. I’ll be home…

…painting. Redecorating. Organizing. Spending money I don’t need to spend.

So – and I’ll post some pictures to really illustrate my point – our third bedroom, which we’ve been using as an office, has become a dumping ground for junk. Like, real live junk. Amongst other things, there are plastic bins full of photographs, baskets, old bank statements, Christmas ornaments and random paper. There are stacks of things to be recycled; DVDs that actually get watched on a regular basis and remote controls that don’t work or need batteries. There are shoes, an old rug, two suitcases and a computer monitor. I swear we’re not hoarders, though that’s what this is starting to sound like. We’re just two people with stuff we’re not sure what to do with that live in a house with three closets and virtually no attic space. Who can blame us?

To boot, this room is painted army green. No, seriously. Like, look at a tank, lighten up that green a notch or two, and that’s our room. It’s hideous and I can’t believe I ever agreed to paint it that color. It’s beyond awful. This green looks like moldy mud and it makes the room even more drab and miserable than it was to begin with.

Solution? Paint it darker! Bear with me here, because I know this sounds a little unconventional. We’ve decided to go with a dark navy blue for the walls (we already have off-white trim and molding) and a pale robin’s egg blue for the desk and maybe a side table. I want something rich and bold, but also something that will stand out behind the stacks and stacks of paper I’m accumulating from my business. (And before you complain, the paper is NECESSARY. This is a stationery business. It’s mostly envelopes and miscellaneous sizes of stationery.)

The plan is to get steel shelves from the home improvement store for either side of the window. I think the chrome color will look good against the blue and will give it kind of a modern edge that the rest of the house really doesn’t have. The baskets and bins will go up on the shelves – which means off the floor! – and I will become at least somewhat more organized.

All of this is just a picture in my mind; I haven’t drawn anything out or done anything except get paint chips. BB isn’t so much on board with painting it ourselves because he finds painting to be mundane and peasant and he’d rather spend his day off watching All in the Family. He’s such a party pooper.

So here’s to the 4th of July: the perfect time to work on house projects, grill something delicious, and watch Real Housewives reruns. Hope yours is just as fun.

Cadillac throwback

Posted by Elizabeth in Addiction to, Daily, Good Stuff, Muse, Random Shit, Totally normal, True That?, WTF?

Hey kittens. Good week for you? Bizarre week for me.

First, the good:

We went to Colorado this past weekend to see one of my best friends get married. It was a beautiful garden ceremony followed by a lovely reception at their home and my friend looked absolutely radiant. There were storm clouds over the rose garden while they said their vows but not a drop of rain fell – there’s got to be some kind of good luck in there, no? It was wonderful.

My friends, Tarrah & Daniele, and their wedding party

The best part of the trip for BB, however, was the Cadillac we rented for the weekend. I’m not kidding. He was blissfully, deliriously happy. Happier even than the married couple. I think BB was born 72 years old and has remained so ever since.

He really IS cute, even if he could be my grandfather

We also went to Boulder to visit my cousin and had an awesome trip up into the mountains to see “his babies” – the giant sharp rock faces he climbs several times a week. I almost threw up on the ride up there from the steep scariness. Boulder’s beautiful though and if you’ve never been I highly suggest putting it on your list.

Cliff Babies

Next, the bad:

I had my job interview last Thursday and on the one hand, it was bad because I kept forgetting to answer half of their two- and three-part questions. Who does that? Why make one question 7 questions all put together? It’s confusing, and frankly I consider it mean. My presentation went well, I thought, and so now I’m just waiting for the phone to ring, like a dorky high school girl on a Friday night.

Finally, the ugly:

The ugly is so ugly, I really don’t want to talk about it. But I will say this: I’m not the only crazy I know, and I’m not the only one bad stuff happens to all the time. Doesn’t make crazy shit better though; crazy shit is still crazy shit.

Overheard this weekend:

“My name is Cowboy and I’ll be riding you to your destination.” – Airport shuttle

“Up here we call them ‘Trustafarians’ or ‘Weed Worshippers.’ Same thing, really.” – Of Boulder’s “counter-culture”

“Would you look at that. Her dad actually looks nice today! Good thing, since it’s her wedding.” – Old man with diapers and obviously-malfunctioning hearing aids, during the wedding ceremony

Toothpicks and nerve pills

Posted by Elizabeth in Anxiety, Daily, Good Stuff, Muse, Totally normal, WTF?

I am simultaneously sleepy and jittery this morning, thanks to a contradiction in the meds/life balance. I make no secret of the fact that I take a sleep aid, which – for my slow metabolism – needs at least 9-10 hours to get in and out of my system. But I don’t go to bed early enough or sleep late enough to make that happen, so consequently I sit here at work in the summer and hold my eyes open with toothpicks for the first 3 hours until I’m sure I’m clean.

Today though, even without caffeine, I’m jittery and have no focus whatsoever. My job interview is at 11 am (MOJO! Send your best job mojo or prayers or thoughts or whatever works for you!) and I’m sitting here unable to think of anything else. Barely able to keep my eyes open, but my body parts are jumping around and slap happy.

My plan is to stay away from the caffeine as much as possible until after the interview is over (caffeine, of course, exacerbates a panic attack), and to take some Xanax shortly before. The crux of this is that I have to time it all right so that I don’t take the Xanax before I’m fully awake, but take it early enough so that it has time to start working before my interview.

This is ENTIRELY too complicated and not at all interesting. So let’s talk about my trip instead.

Have any of you ever bought upgrades on flights? Like you have a coach seat but at the gate you ask for an upgrade to business/first class? I am dying to try it tomorrow for our fairly long flight (long in my book is more than an hour) to CO. If it’s going to cost us a zillion dollars, we’re totally not doing it, but my friend used to always say, “You have not because you ask not.” Worth a shot, no?

Ramble much, Elizabeth? Yes, I do. Will tweet my post-game report around noon, so if you’re not following me on Twitter and you want to know what happens, get on that. It’s almost Friday, kids, it’s almost Friday.

Now you see me, now you don’t

Posted by Elizabeth in Addiction to, Anxiety, Daily, Good Stuff, Muse, Rejoicing, Totally normal, WTF?

I don’t know how it happened. One day I was blogging furiously, scribbling out all my droll thoughts and my delicately-flowered feelings and wondering if my readers would ever multiply (turns out, they wouldn’t). The next day I hid behind a corner and waited for my blog to walk by without noticing me. And the day after that, I ran around another corner and listened for its footsteps, loud and clear, and hid again. It got easier to hide from Half Baked, Twice as Good after that, though it’s not immediately clear why I felt the need to do so. I felt beholden, contracted, obligated to be the patient while you, Internet, were my therapists. I started another blog, I vowed to diligently write there, too. I took to Twitter and updated my most mundane activities, trying to build followers and market myself. For what, really? For what?

The Greek word for "calm." If I were a tattoo-getting kind of girl, this would be on my wrist.

One day not too long ago, I woke up and didn’t have to write. I didn’t have to flex that muscle and use that part of my brain and it was…refreshing. It was like a little weight was lifted off my shoulders and I had freed myself from the chains of responsibility. Weeks and weeks later, I have realized that the giant steel ball of responsibility chained to my ankle was put there by none other than me. My Lohan-esque SCRAM bracelet is dinging and turning red because it detects a lack of focus and a lack of stick-to-it-iveness that is no one else’s doing but mine. On a related note, or maybe not, I feel great. My anxiety has leveled off, with little spikes now and then, to the point that I have been doing things I couldn’t have imagined a year ago. I took two road trips alone. I put myself in vulnerable (and crowded) situations and didn’t run. I discovered meditation and am a very struggling beginner. But I haven’t been writing. I have been calm.

Today I went to lunch for a co-worker’s birthday. In the middle of our meal, a huge crowd of mothers with young children came in, sweaty and exhausted from the heat and from pushing strollers laden with hungry, crying babies, overflowing diaper bags and shopping bags from the outlet mall. They looked pooped and they sounded weary, but each mom that walked in looked around for a familiar face and lit up when she saw her friends. They set up high chairs for each other, order meals for the table and offered to hold babies while their friends took a break. The first thought that came to my mind was that THIS! this must be a group of mommybloggers! I recognize that camaraderie! I see that commiserating look that says, If I could just reach my iPhone I’d be tweeting the hell out of this right now! And I felt a little pang of homesickness, like the first night away from camp. I remembered suddenly that I had let go of the apronstrings of my blog and I had flown solo, if just for a little while.

It’s after lunch now, and I’m writing again.

I have some things to tell you, Internet. My business is – much to my surprise – going swimmingly. I have loyal friends and co-workers who are now armed with much more stationery than they’ll probably ever need. I am hosting an open house next weekend to drum up more business, and I actually have a little bit of inventory to show off.

Tomorrow I will interview for a job that I didn’t know I wanted. It pays more, obviously a bonus, but it’s a different focus than where I’ve been for the last eight years, and it might be just the thing I need.

After my interview I’ll be flying out to Colorado to be at the wedding of one of my best friends from college. I’ll see some old gal pals, meet a handsome Italian groom and spend a few days with my husband, who has recently become a stranger with all the new things going on.

It feels good to come out of the shadows and write again, and I’ve missed hearing from you all. I have refrained from commenting on other people’s blogs, and I’m not sure that I’m included anymore (was I ever?) in the group of cool kids that has continued to grow and build. It may not seem like much of a blip on your radar to have an empty, moldy space rotting in your Google reader, but actually Internet, I’ve been there all along.

You just couldn’t see me.