Another list of shit that I feel I should share with you

Today is Monday. I didn’t sleep well, therefore I am lazy. Here is a list. I don’t know about you, but I’ve already forgotten 2009, what with it being the almost-end of February and all. This is a reminder.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to a psychiatrist.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Made some, forget them, couldn’t care less about them, didn’t make them this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. Good God. You people need to stop over-populating this earth because you’re making the rest of us look bad.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
More people that I’d like to count.

5. What countries did you visit?
You mean like “out in the country?” Because I went plenty of places out in the country. I went to that one field with the horses, I went to that farm with the old barn…oh wait. You meant like other than the US. So, no.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A book deal.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Inauguration Day. My birthday. That’s it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I went to get my head fixed. Oh, and I didn’t kill anybody. I always give myself props for that.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not killing anybody.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I suffer everyday from being hot all the time. And not in that I’m-too-sexy-for-this-cardigan way, but in the turn-up-the-goddamn-AC way.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Appliances. All of them.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To the town, who jacks up my utilities to over $500 a month. You simple bastards. You rotten thieves. I change my answer to #13 to the TOWN HALL.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Drugs.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Blame It on the Alcohol” because I do.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. It’s the drugs.
b) thinner or fatter? Like a burger?
c) richer or poorer? I don’t count my money. It’s better that way, because then I can’t honestly say whether or not you will get my payment on time.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Graduating.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Waiting around for Kelly Cutrone’s new show.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Of 2010? Fuck if I know.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes. With my shoes. All over again.

22. How many one-night stands?
Oh baby, I had the BEST one-night stand that one night back in 1998 with… Oh. Huh. Yeah. Just kidding.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
This question is just retarded.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Always! Don’t hate the game, hate the PLAYA.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Help. READ IT NOW.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This question is also retarded.

27. What did you want and get?
Drugs.

28. What did you want and not get?
Drugs.

29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
Yeah so, what movies came out again?

30. What did you do on your birthday?
Cowered in my office hiding from The Boogie Man.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
That book deal no one seems to want to give me.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Bah! My “concept” is that I’m pretty sure I don’t have one. My personal fashion is made up of a covetable shoe collection and some ugly-ass clothes.

33. What kept you sane?
Drugs.