Mama needs an easy button
29 Jan
I’m feeling a bit contemplative today, partly because I know I’ll be snowed in this weekend, and partly because it’s Friday and I have nothing better to do. There was an article this morning on Good Morning America’s website about a recent study done on women over the age of 30 in the UK. The study found that after 30, 90 percent of a woman’s eggs are gone. Like, poof. Vanished. Vamoosed.
This disturbs me more than a little. I have written here extensively about the fact that I don’t have children and am not sure that I ever want any. But, as my friends and I discuss often, we don’t want to get beyond childbearing years and regret that we didn’t take the opportunity while we could have. Yes, there is adoption, and yes, we could try all kinds of fertility methods, but the bottom line is that over the age of 30, being pregnant is a whole new ballgame.
So what’s a girl to do? Who knows, I say. Go ahead and slap my hand now, because I haven’t been to see my ob/gyn in 3 years. (Shocking, yes.) A) I’m scared of doctors which stems from my anxiety and I still don’t feel yet that I can go to a doctor’s office and not fall down screaming from a panic attack. B) I am terrified that on such a visit my doctor will find some god-awful disease like endometriosis or diabetes or high blood pressure or heart problems or something related to the fact that I am overweight and lazy.
Phew, there, I said it. Right now today, that is my biggest fear.
In all honesty, I would love for Brian and I to have children and raise them together to be little hoodlums just like us. I would relish hanging out on a Saturday morning watching cartoons and playing with Legos and screaming my head off because I haven’t slept and there’s crusty cereal in my bra. (This is all how I imagine parenting, of course.) What’s holding me back from all of this is my fear. In addition to my overwhelming fear of a doctor’s appointment, I am also terrified that childbirth will kill me. I don’t know, haven’t read the statistics, how it goes for overweight pregnant women. Do they die? Do their babies survive?
The easy answer to this is, of course, to just lose a bunch of weight and then try to get pregnant. Except there’s that whole pesky problem of the fact that I’m about to be 32 and so statistically more than 90 percent of my eggs have hit the road and headed off to greener, more fertile pastures. So in the time it takes for me to lose the weight I need to lose, that just makes me older and more moldy on the inside. What gives, people?
On top of the worry that I carry around on my shoulders is the knowledge that my parents aren’t spring chickens anymore. My father will be 70 in April and he has wanted a grandchild since I got engaged. His snarky comments have lessened in the last year or so – I think because he’s resigned himself to the fact that he may never get one – but the guilt remains with me that he could live his entire life without a grandchild of his own.
I don’t have a simple solution to this, and I doubt you do, too. But pregnancy seems so easy for some people, and so difficult for others. I know in my heart that if it happens for us, it will surely be difficult – that’s the way things usually go in the Baker house. I just wish someone could have a baby for me, design it to look just like BB and hand it over at birth.
Where’s the easy button when you need it?
I’m mad at you for giving me the anxiety I’ll have thinking about only having 10% left. This blows!
Sorry! But blame the news, too. They started it.
I saw that segment this morning. I was a little stunned. It’s crappy because most people can’t afford to have kids until they’re a little older and more established. And most people want to wait until they’re no longer kids themselves. It’s almost like you need to harvest your eggs and store them before you’re 25 to make sure you can have kids.
So true!
Oh, you can get the designer baby, but it would be looks only. Science has not yet learned how to recreate a precious smile or a certain twinkle of the eyes. And yet, some of those traits can also be found in non-biological offspring that are loved and in return learn to mimic a parents expressions.
The age at which you become a parent, or even the way you become a parent, is not as important as how committed you are to loving your responsibility.
And there is no law that says once you are a parent you have to stop feeling like a kid – you just can’t live that way 24/7.
Don’t freak out about fertility. You could also bum yourself out if you think about how few hours/days per month you’re actually able to be impregnated. Many, many women are not only able to become pregnant well into their 30s and 40s that it happens completely accidentally. Conversely, many women have incredible difficulty getting pregnant when they’re only in their 20s. Odds are still in your favour for getting pregnant, all it takes is one egg for that.
Excellent point! Getting pregnant is luck of the calendar? The draw? The full moon?
I hesitate to comment because I’ve had my kids and they are all grown now. But I think generally speaking, the more you fret, the harder it could be to conceive.
I’m afraid women with fertility issues would have my head for making such an obnoxiously simple statement, but being stressed and anxious certainly can’t help.
And the egg thing? I hate reports like that. What good does that information serve? I easily had two healthy babies in my 20′s and I easily had two healthy babies in my 30′s.
Relax and enjoy each other for now. Babies should come. And if they don’t and you want them, get yourself some Xanax, some moral support and get things checked out.
Good luck sweetie.
Never hesitate to comment! I’m glad to hear from moms, particularly those who had children in their 30s. We are definitely enjoying each other right now and trying to relax as best we can. That’s great advice and I know better than anyone how anxiety can affect someone physically.
my mom had me when she was 38! and that was 31 years ago!!! no worries, girl (with kids or without–happiness is key–just ask my sister!)!!
I wouldn’t worry about it. My friend who’s about to give birth is 37.
BODA weight loss